ifuckinghateyou.com - your enemy's enemy is your friend.

posted July 26, 2010 10:12 AM PDT

There she goes again

Here name is Jere. The one I told you about that tried to take her life two weeks ago. We spent a few nights up very late, talking. She told me she was planning on getting out of town, to be with family in Minnesota. September first was the go date as of four days ago. Three days ago we stayed at the bar until four then drank whiskey on my porch until six. I had to go to bed. We kept texting as I was falling asleep. She mentioned she was cutting. I was getting up to walk to her place when she said she was not, and was going to bed. The next day she told me she cut herself the worst she ever has. I was mad she lied to me. But I know its not about me. In an hour she is going to be on a plane. Her brothers are driving down to collect her belongings. I'll go visit when and if I can. I always fall for the fucked up ones. I dont mean to. I think I grew up a lot this past couple weeks. I have no desire to chase the 22 year old girls I get crushes on. I have actually been thinking about going celibate. But I know how fucking dumb that is. I'm just sick of the chase, drunk late nights where the best way to get laid is simply to be the last man standing. I'm sick of the other side, wanting a real relationship and meeting a few women worthy of that effort and its simply not the right time. So part of me wants to give up and focus the energy and attention I normally reserve for my cock and use it for more creative endeavors. Jere has motivated my writing again. While she is away I am going to send her real letters. Stories I want her to edit. Drawings, photos. Whatever I do creatively I want her to see first.

last updated July 26, 2010 10:29 AM PDT