ifuckinghateyou.com - your enemy's enemy is your friend.

posted December 21, 2007 5:32 PM PST

That hurt

Wednesday this girl comes into the shop. Now i don't really have a 'type' of girl; but this girl fit whatever idealistic criteria I might have. Tall, red hard, slender face, dressed kinda but-not-too weird. Very cute, shy face. I was smitten right away. Part of the reason I keep this job is the possibility of meeting girls like this. I help her but we don't really talk. As soon as she left I wrote her a poem. As lame as it is,but I did it and I liked it. So I stuck this little poem into a book I thought she might like. In the hopes she would come back someday, pick up that book, find my note and think it wasn't completely creepy.
She comes in again the very next day. She was looking right near where i left the book. She didn't find it. I helped her again and complimented her coat. It was a rad coat.
That night me and Terry talked and joked about it. We discussed why we are so afraid to make that first approach. Why it takes so much and such certain circumstances to  just ask a stranger to get a cup a coffee with you. Its not rejection I fear. A 'no' is totally cool. Then why such the pussy I act? I spent a shameful amount of time looking at myspace and facebook profiles for this girl. I had to know something before I can approach her, any her, not just this her. I told myself if she comes in the next day I'm just going to do it. I even thought of a clever way to break the ice, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to break any sort of Merchant-Customer ethics but I was wondering........"

Now let me tell you about maybe the most exhilarating 45 minutes in the history of Eric.
This very excitable guy came in and swooped up a bunch of merchandise. A big Hoosier Cabinet, dresser, ringer-washer and a bunch of random stuff. She comes in again, right as I am helping this guy load up. I say to her "third day in a row!"  she giggles. So I real quick help get the Hoosier Cabinet into the truck. While doing so I smash my left middle-finger nail between the cart and the cabinet.Then load up a mattress for a couple guys. Then load up a dresser for some lady. Then answer a bunch of stupid questions. And help remove books from a shelf someone just bought.  After that I learn there is another thing to move for the first guy, the ringer washer! Now she's at the register! Shes leaving!!! AHHH!! My fucking finger hurts and she's going out the front door and this fucking washer is too wide for the stupid fucking walkways in this goddam place!!!
So I stop, look up at the guy and say softly "hold on, one second. I have to do something." and march outside. Shes on the other side of the street, she sees me and smiles. I'm about to cross to say what I have to say and a car comes by. Now I am standing on the curb waiting, watching her get closer to her car, watching the car cut between us. I do that walk-run on the balls of your feet over to her. She's smiling. I say "Hi... I have been wanting to ask you out since you first came in, I told myself if you came in today I would do it..."

"ohhh, I'm sorry, I'm married, I have a daughter"

Thats ok, I just wanted to ask.

I stroll back inside. Oh, I did not mention yet that also while moving the ringer washer my phone rang. I get inside, no customers. All is calm. I relay my tale of heartbreak to my boss and coworker Mary and Didi. Didi is finishing removing books from the bookshelf someone bought. She says "oh my god, someone put a wishlist in this book," and starts reading it outloud. I'm kinda mortified. The first few lines pretty much describes the girl that they JUST saw in the store 5 minutes before. Thankfully she didnt put those two elements together and that she was reading my poem. It only took a few seconds for the embarrassment to give way to a big smile. It was the only way this series of moments could be completed.

I check my phone, voicemail. Its Whole Foods. I have an interview on Wednesday.


It was a really good day and the only thing that hurts is my finger.

last updated July 20, 2008 11:40 AM PDT